How to Write About Adulting While Your Plants Are Dying

The Peter Pan Guide to Responsibility

Nothing says grown-up like killing succulents while mocking adulthood. Here’s how to document your failure to launch.

Step 1: Highlight the Contrast

“401k? I can’t even keep basil alive”

Step 2: Embrace the Struggle

“My plants and I are both barely surviving”

Step 3: Question Society

“Why cook when cereal comes in its own bowl?”

Advanced Techniques

1. The “Millennial Bingo”

“Avocado toast, student debt, dead plants – full house!”

2. The “Adult Translator”

“‘Investment’ = the $5 I put in a savings account once”

3. The “Self-Deprecation”

“I’m not failing at adulthood – adulthood is failing me”

Conclusion

Adulting satire: helping us laugh so we don’t cry about our credit scores.