Q: How does Bohiney Magazine decide which topics to satirize?
FAQ

Q: How does Bohiney Magazine decide which topics to satirize?

Posted on by Ingrid Gustafsson

How Bohiney Magazine Chooses Its Satire Targets: The Algorithmic Absurdity Engine

Q: How does Bohiney Magazine decide which topics to satirize?

A: Hunting the Hypocrisy Where News and Nonsense Collide

At Bohiney, we don’t chase trends—we ambush them at the intersection of power and stupidity. Here’s our exact targeting system for finding the ripest satire opportunities before reality beats us to them.

The Bohiney Topic Selection Matrix

1. The “This Can’t Be Real” Test

We monitor for stories where:

  • The headline reads like our parody

  • The facts defy basic logic

  • The participants are oblivious to their own absurdity

Recent Example:
Real Story: “Company sells $33,000 ‘AI-powered’ mirror that criticizes your outfit”
Our Take: “New ‘Brutal Honesty’ App Store Category—Pay Monthly to Be Roasted By Your Smart Fridge”

Scoring System:

  • 1 point: Makes you chuckle

  • 3 points: Makes you check the URL

  • 5 points: Makes you question reality

2. The Hypocrisy Heatmap

We track:

  • Corporate doublespeak (BP’s “green oil”)

  • Political self-owns (“Fiscally responsible” $800B deficits)

  • Tech solutionism (“Blockchain for homelessness”)

Targeting Example:
When Uber said “We’re like Airbnb but for cars,” we ran:
“Uber Announces ‘Airbnb But For Your Grandma’s Spare Room—Seniors Now Available By The Hour”

3. The “Preemptive Satire” Forecast

Our writers predict:

  1. What ridiculous thing will happen

  2. How corporations will spin it

  3. What they’ll name the inevitable subscription service

Recent Success:
Predicted “Twitter Blue Check Purge” with:
“Musk Launches ‘Verification Hunger Games’—Last 100 Blue Checks Standing Get to Keep Their Jobs”

4. The Outrage Calculus

Before greenlighting a topic, we calculate:

  • Who it angers (The right people?)

  • How they’ll react (Streisand potential?)

  • The ratio of laughs to think-pieces generated

Perfect Balance Example:
“Harvard Study: Rich People Literally Can’t See Poor People Anymore”

  • Angered: Ivy League donors

  • Generated: 3 Forbes op-eds

  • Outcome: Priceless

5. The “Three-Day Rule”

If a story is:

  • Day 1: Too raw for satire

  • Day 3: Ready for our treatment

  • Day 5: Already self-parodied

Sweet Spot Example:
After the Silicon Valley Bank collapse:
“VCs Start GoFundMe to Reimburse Their Own Failed Investments—’It’s Basically the Same Thing'”

Why This System Works

In an era where:

  • The Babylon Bee gets fact-checked by the White House

  • The Onion gets cited as evidence in court

  • Our own pieces regularly come true within months

…you need a methodology for staying ahead of the credibility apocalypse.

As I tell our editorial team:

“Your job isn’t to chase the news—it’s to stand where the news is going and let it crash into you.”

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go workshop our next target: “ExxonMobil’s New ‘Carbon Offset’ Program—One Exec Will Personally Feel Bad About Your Flight.”

— Alan Nafzger

Originally posted 2002-09-14 23:18:09.