How to Write a Satirical Epilogue That Nobody Will Read

The Afterparty Nobody Attended

When the main event is over but you still need to pad the runtime, here’s how to craft the perfect ignored sendoff.

Step 1: Lower Expectations

“If you’re reading this, you’re either lost or my mom”

Step 2: Reveal the Tricks

“The secret was plagiarism all along”

Step 3: Blame the Medium

“Epilogues are inherently skippable – why try?”

Advanced Techniques

1. The “Bonus Content”

“Here’s a joke we cut earlier because it wasn’t funny”

2. The “Fourth Wall”

“The writer has left the building (mentally and physically)”

3. The “Non-Ending”

“And so we conclude by not actually conclud”

Conclusion

Epilogues: proving that all good things must overstay their welcome.