How to Make School Shootings Funny (Wait, No—Don’t)

Navigating Comedy’s Third Rail

Some subjects resist humor for good reason. But if you must approach this topic, here’s how to do it without being terrible.

Step 1: Punch Up, Never Down

Bad: “Kids can’t dodge bullets!” Good: “The only thing faster than a school shooter? Politicians saying now isn’t the time to talk about gun control.”

Step 2: Target Systems, Not Victims

“Our schools now have more armed guards than textbooks. Priorities!”

Step 3: Know When to Stop

If your joke starts with “Too soon?” it’s definitely too soon. And probably always will be.

Advanced Techniques

1. The “Policy Irony” Approach

“We’ll protect kids by arming teachers, because nothing says ‘learning environment’ like wondering if Mrs. Johnson is packing heat.”

2. The “Safety Theater” Angle

“Active shooter drills prepare kids for two things: school shootings and pretending to work when the boss walks by.”

3. The “NRA Logic”

“The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with thoughts and prayers.”

Conclusion

Some subjects need policy changes more than punchlines. Know the difference.