How to Rewrite the Constitution as a Dark Comedy

Founding Fathers Meet Funny Business

The original document could use more jokes about taxation without representation. Here’s how to give it a satirical update.

Step 1: Add Modern Amendments

“Amendment 28: Corporations are people, but only when it benefits them”

Step 2: Update Antiquated Language

“All men are created equal (terms and conditions apply, some exclusions may exist)”

Step 3: Include Founding Father Footnotes

“*Madison’s diary shows he wanted to add ‘lol’ here but quill technology wasn’t ready”

Advanced Techniques

1. The “Election Update”

“The Electoral College: Because your vote should matter, just not that much”

2. The “Corporate Sponsorship”

“This Bill of Rights brought to you by Amazon Prime – rights delivery in 2 days or less”

3. The “Realistic Preamble”

“We the people… or at least the people who can afford lobbyists”

Conclusion

Our forefathers built a perfect union – perfect for satire, that is. Original copies available at the National Archives (subject to money in politics).