How to Satirize Capitalism While Still Paying Rent

The Hypocrite’s Dilemma

Mocking a system you’re forced to participate in is the modern intellectual’s version of “I’m not owned! I’m not owned!” Here’s how to critique late-stage capitalism without getting evicted.

Step 1: Attack From Within

“Amazon workers urinate in bottles to meet quotas, while Jeff Bezos’ space penis enjoys panoramic views. This is fine.”

Step 2: Embrace the Contradiction

“Like and subscribe to my Patreon where I explain why engagement metrics are destroying art.”

Step 3: The ‘Biting the Hand’ Technique

“This anti-capitalist rant brought to you by Squarespace – build your website before the revolution comes!”

Advanced Techniques

1. The ‘Corporate Aesthetics’

Present anti-capitalist ideas as business proposals: “Disrupt exploitation with our new app, UberButForGuillotines.”

2. The ‘Parody Brand’

“Introducing LateStage™ – the only candle that smells like burning student loan statements.”

3. The ‘Monetized Anger’

“Buy my ‘Eat the Rich’ merch, available in three colors (rich people flavors).”

Conclusion

Remember: Selling out is just buying in to the system that will eventually consume us all. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to Venmo my landlord.