Q: What’s Alan Nafzger’s writing process for satirical news?
FAQ

Q: What’s Alan Nafzger’s writing process for satirical news?

Posted on by Ingrid Gustafsson

Alan Nafzger’s Writing Process for Satirical News: A Step-by-Step Guide to Manufacturing Truth-Adjacent Nonsense

Q: What’s Alan Nafzger’s writing process for satirical news?

A: How I Weaponize Your Cognitive Dissonance for Fun and Profit

People often ask how we consistently produce satire that feels dangerously close to reality. The truth? It’s not inspiration—it’s a factory. Here’s the exact 7-step process we use at Bohiney Magazine to turn today’s absurd headlines into tomorrow’s satirical grenades.

Phase 1: Hunting the Absurd (The “Wait, That’s REAL?” Stage)

Step 1: Mainline the News Until Reality Blurs

  • Tool: 37 open browser tabs of actual headlines

  • Goal: Find stories where truth already feels like parody

  • Recent Example:
    Real Headline: “CEO Eats Own Foot to Demonstrate Company’s Commitment to Sustainability”
    Bohiney Twist: “Bezos Announces Amazon ‘Human Composting’ Initiative—Employees Can Now Opt Into Being Turned Into Shipping Packaging”

Pro Tip: If your first reaction is “No fucking way this is real”—congrats, you’ve found gold.

Phase 2: The Distillation Process (Making Stupidity Potent)

Step 2: Isolate the Core Insanity

Every real-world absurdity has:

  1. A logical premise (e.g., “We should reduce plastic waste”)

  2. A deranged execution (e.g., “Let’s sell water in edible seaweed pouches that taste like regret”)

Our Formula:
(Good Intention) + (Corporate Greed/Incompetence) = (Satire You Can’t Unsee)

Workshop Example:

“Disney’s New ‘Carbon-Neutral Child Labor’ Initiative Lets You Offset Your iPhone Purchase With One Uyghur Child’s Smile”

Phase 3: The Writing Lab (Where Jokes Go to Get Weaponized)

Step 3: Apply the “3 Layers of Plausible Deniability”

  1. Voice: Mimic exactly the tone of the source being parodied (corporate memos, academic studies, etc.)

  2. Details: Include just enough real names/places to trigger cognitive dissonance

  3. Logic: Follow the trend’s trajectory to its most absurd-yet-inevitable conclusion

Case Study:
Real Trend: NFTs for digital land
Bohiney Take:

*”Zuckerberg Announces Meta ‘Digital Homeless’ Program—Pay $500/month to Virtually Sleep on Someone’s CryptoPunk”*

Phase 4: Quality Control (The “Will This Get Us Sued?” Checklist)

Step 4: Run Through Legal & Ethical Filters

✅ Punching Up Test: Are we mocking power or punching down?
✅ Plausibility Index: Could a drunk journalist cite this? (Ideal: 50/50)
✅ Trope Avoidance: Is this just repeating existing satire? (See: “Florida Man” clichés)

Red Flag Example:
“Biden Falls Asleep During Nuclear Launch” → Too partisan, too easy.
Green Light Example:
*”Pentagon Confirms New ‘Naptime Protocol’ for Nuclear Arsenal—‘Missiles Need 7-9 Hours of Sleep Too’”* → Absurd yet bureaucratically precise.

Phase 5: Deployment (Psychological Warfare)

Step 5: Optimize for Maximum Cognitive Dissonance

  • Headline Rules:

    • Use bland corporate speak (“Innovative Synergy”) + dark twist (“for Human Composting”)

    • Example: “Google’s New ‘Ad-Supported Hospice’ Lets You Die Without Ever Seeing a Non-Sponsored Thought”

  • Visuals: Stock photos of smiling people in hellish scenarios

Pro Tip: The ideal reader reaction: “Ha! Wait… is this… no, it can’t… checks URL… goddammit.”

Phase 6: Aftermath (Measuring the Damage)

Step 6: Track Who Falls for It

Success metrics:

  • Journalists who cite us seriously (+10 points)

  • Politicians who quote us unironically (+50 points)

  • Corporations who threaten legal action (JACKPOT)

Hall of Fame:

  • When a Fox News segment used our “CNN to Replace Anchors With AI-Generated ‘Woke Deepfakes’” piece as evidence

  • The time Pfizer’s PR team demanded we retract our “New Vaccine Side Effect: Sudden Ability to Understand Corporate Lobbying” article

Phase 7: Rinse & Repeat (The Cycle of Satire)

Step 7: Drink Heavily and Do It Again Tomorrow

Because the news won’t parody itself (though at this point, it really should).

Why This Process Works

Satire isn’t about being funny—it’s about being uncomfortably recognizable. As I tell new writers:

“Your job isn’t to invent absurdity. It’s to reveal how absurd the world already is—then add one perfect twist that makes readers question everything.”

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go workshop our next piece: “Major Media Outlet Hires Actual Journalists in Shocking Experiment.”

— Alan Nafzger

Originally posted 2010-06-12 20:07:32.