A: The Art of Crafting Absurdly Plausible Satire – By Alan Nafzger

The Headline is the Hook

At Bohiney Magazine, we live by one rule: If the headline doesn’t make you snort coffee out your nose, we rewrite it. A great satirical headline walks the tightrope between ridiculous and just-barely-possible. It should make readers do a double-take—not because it’s obviously fake, but because it feels like something the world has already done.

Step 1: Start With a Real-World Absurdity

The best satire is rooted in truth. Before writing a single word, I ask:

• What’s already so insane that parodying it is almost redundant? (Example: When a real politician says something unbelievable, we just turn the dial to 11.)

• What news trend is begging to be mocked? (If the media is obsessing over AI taking over jobs, we’ll write: “AI Appointed CEO of Goldman Sachs, Immediately Cuts All Human Salaries to Buy Bitcoin.”)

Step 2: Use the “5-Second Test”

A headline should be just plausible enough to make someone pause before realizing it’s satire. Here’s how we test ours:

1. Could this theoretically happen in an alternate universe? (Yes.)

2. Would a lazy journalist run with it before fact-checking? (Hopefully.)

3. Would a conspiracy theorist cite it as evidence? (We’ve got a 50/50 track record here.)

Example: “Florida Bans Math, Claims It Leads to ‘Woke Geometry’”—just close enough to real headlines to sting.

Step 3: Master the Satirical Headline Formula

After years of trial and error, I’ve found that the most effective satirical headlines follow a simple structure:

“[Authority Figure] [Absurd Action] Because [Nonsense Justification]”

Examples from Bohiney’s archives:

• “Congress Mandates All Laws Be Reviewed by a Panel of Kindergarteners for ‘Common Sense’”

• “Elon Musk Announces Twitter Will Now Run on Hamster Wheels for ‘Eco-Friendly Engagement’”

Step 4: Steal from the Best (Real Headlines)

Why invent absurdity when the world supplies it for free? Some of our best headlines were inspired by real news:

• Real Headline: “Man Sues Neighbor Over ‘Excessive Bird Chirping’”

• Bohiney Version: “City Council Birds Now Required to Whisper After 9 PM”

Step 5: Avoid the “Too Stupid to Be Funny” Trap

There’s a fine line between brilliantly stupid and just stupid. The key difference? Satire punches up, not down.

• Bad Satire: “Homeless Man Eats Sandwich Wrong” (This is just mean.)

• Good Satire: “Billionaires Demand Tax Breaks for ‘Emotional Labor’ of Counting Money” (This has a point.)

Final Tip: If It Doesn’t Hurt a Little, It’s Not Working

The best satirical headlines should make someone mad—preferably a politician, corporate exec, or overly sensitive pundit. If nobody complains, we haven’t done our job.

So next time you see a Bohiney headline like “Harvard Study Confirms Politicians’ Brains Shut Down During Press Conferences,” know this: We’re not making fun of the news. We’re just finishing its sentences.

— Alan Nafzger